


Potential

by hblankm



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/M, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Platonic Soulmates, Tony Stark-centric, detailed warnings in the notes, peter and tony are soulmates, this is not starker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 21:58:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16879977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hblankm/pseuds/hblankm
Summary: When Tony Stark was nine years old his mother made him promise to cherish the words he wasn’t old enough to have received yet.He didn't start questioning this until he was twelve and his wrists were still blank.





	Potential

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone there's a bunch of heavy stuff in this fic so I'm putting a detailed list of warnings in the end notes. Please read them if there is anything that you know you do not feel comfortable reading, or if you are in any way unsure.
> 
> Also I know I already have a wip (oops) sorry if you're reading that one I am probably going to focus more on this and go back to it when this fic is finished.

When Tony Stark was nine years old his mother made him promise to cherish the words he wasn’t old enough to have received yet. 

 

He’d woken to the sound of a door slamming and crept out of his room, trying to be absolutely silent in the cold emptiness of the unlit hallway.  He could see light filtering out from the crack under the door of his parents’ bedroom, reflecting off of the mahogany floor.  He held his breath as he slipped past the door, following the hallway to reach the only other source of light which was coming faintly from the living area.  The lamp by the piano was turned on and a figure was sitting in front of it as they were about to play, but the lid was closed.

 

“Mom?”  The figure spun around to face him.

 

“Oh, Anthony, what are you doing up at this time?”  Maria Stark stood up and pulled him over to her. “You should be in bed.”

 

“I heard a noise.  I wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

 

Maria paused her hands, which had been fiddling with Tony’s hair.  “I’m fine, sweetheart, why wouldn’t I be okay?” 

 

Tony looked up at her and even in the dim light he could see her face.  “You’ve been crying.”

 

Maria shook her head, “Oh it’s nothing, Anthony.  Nothing for you to worry about, just a disagreement.  It will all be better come morning, you’ll see.”  She patted the empty space beside her won the piano bench. “How about you wait here while I get you a drink to help you go back to sleep?”  Tony sat down, but instead of letting her leave he grabbed her hand.

 

“Is it because I asked not to go back to the school?  Why you and Dad are fighting?”

 

“No, no it’s nothing to do with you,” Maria assured.  “We just disagree sometimes.” 

 

Tony didn’t believe her.  His father had been angry at dinner, when he asked not to be sent away again for another term at the expensive boarding school he’d started at.

 

“You’re soulmates, though.”  Why would soulmates disagree about anything? 

 

Maria softened.  “Oh, Anthony, that doesn’t mean we never disagree.  Here, look,” she said, bringing her wrist between them and shifting the sleeve of her robe upwards.  Tony could see the words, scrawled upon the inside of her forearm in his father’s hand: _Would you allow me to buy a drink for the most beautiful lady in the room?_   They looked discoloured, indistinct in the low light.  But Tony knew what they said, he’d seen them a hundred times before, after all.

 

“They’re faded,” he said.

 

“They’re _fragile_ ,” Maria corrected.  “Love is always fragile, which is why you have to protect it, cherish it above all else even when things become difficult.”

 

He stared at her words and wondered if they had always looked this way.

 

“Promise me, that’s what you’ll do when you get your words,” said Maria.  She waited for him to look up and held his gaze, her eyes still slightly puffy.  

 

His mother was the most loving person Tony knew, so who could know more about soulmates than her?  He nodded his head.

 

“I promise.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The night before Tony’s tenth birthday he didn’t sleep.  He wanted to stay up until midnight, when the words would finally appear on his arm.  He had to pretend he was sleeping when one of the teachers made their rounds through the dorms, and he didn’t dare to turn on a light and risk anyone finding him awake when he wasn’t supposed to be.  It meant he had to rely on the little moonlight from the window to see them show up.  The ticking of the clock by his bed seemed loud in the silence, but he couldn’t quite make out the time displayed in the darkness.  It didn’t matter though, he wasn’t going to miss the moment the words appeared; he wasn’t going to look away until they did.

 

He wondered when he’d meet his soulmate, or if they had already met.  He doubted it, as none of the other students here could possibly be his soulmate; none of them liked him.  But it didn’t matter because his soulmate would love him and that was all he needed. 

 

Tony waited for hours in the darkness, anticipation keeping him alert.  Surely it was midnight by now?  Maybe it was just too dark to make out the letters – they would be hard to see like this, after all.  He strained his eyes, staring so intently at his arm that he worried he wasn’t blinking enough and his eyes would become too dry.  He made sure to purposely blink every now and then after that, in an attempt to keep his vision clear. 

 

The darkness eventually began to lift, and he thought finally he would get to see the words, but they were still too faint to make out at all.  Too _fragile_ , he remembered.  By the time a teacher came and started knocking on doors in the morning, making sure all of the boarders were awake, light streamed into the room beautifully but there were still no marks on his arm.

 

Tony spent the rest of the day frantically checking over his wrists for any sign of writing, and becoming increasingly stressed as he found nothing.  One of the boys saw him looking, must have realised he’d just turned ten and snickered.  “No soulmate, Stark?  Doesn’t surprise me; who’d want a know-it-all like you?”  The boy proudly showed off his own arm, the words obvious even from a distance.

 

Tony cried himself to sleep that night.

 

When he returned home for the term break his mother stood waiting at the door with an expectant look of excitement, and Tony knew she was eager to see his words.  Tears leaked from his eyes before he even made it through the doors.

 

“Oh honey,” she said when he showed her his blank arm, “it’s okay.  It’s just means your soulmate is younger than you, the words won’t show up until they turn ten as well, don’t worry.”  He hugged her tighter.  How could his soulmate possibly be younger than him when everyone his age was still so stupid?

 

“But what if I _don’t_ get any words?”

 

“Hush,” she tutted, “We just need to be patient.  I promise you, they’ll come.  It will all work out.  You’ll be the oldest, so you’ll be in charge of looking out for them, okay?  Making sure they don’t come to any harm.” He looked down at her words, but he couldn’t make them out beneath the bruises on her arm.

 

“Your arm,” he pointed out, alarmed. 

 

Maria quickly drew her sleeves down and pulled out of the hug. “It’s fine, I was just being silly and had a little accident.”  Tony didn’t mention how the bruise went all around her wrist, as if someone was holding it too tightly.

 

“Where’s Dad?”

 

“He had to step out and meet some people for work, he’ll be back tonight,” she said, “How about we go and make something in the kitchen that will cheer him up when he gets back?”

 

Tony agreed, even though he thought it odd that his father was the one who needed cheering up when his mother was the one who got hurt.  After all, his father was older, so it was his job to protect his mother, just like his mother had said it would be Tony’s job to protect his soulmate, when he met them.  Maybe for now, he could just protect his mother.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Tony turned 12 years old and he still didn’t have any words on his skin.  He decided it didn’t matter, though, because it just gave him more time to prepare.  He hadn’t exactly worked out how he was meant to be preparing yet, but he knew he needed to be able to protect his soulmate.  That meant he needed to be better.  It was easy at school, he breezed through all of his classes without any trouble.  He’d learned to just avoid the other students rather than try to be friends.  At home, though, it was harder.  His father wasn’t as easy to impress.

 

He built an engine, but there was no skill to that; it was just following instructions.  So he improved it, made it smaller, better.  But when he showed it to his father the man just told him he was busy.  He was searching for Captain America, who was lost in the ice, apparently.  So Tony decided to teach himself to make a remotely controlled robot, so that it could help find people who were lost.  He already had a remote controlled car that he’d made before, so he started with looking at that, finding ways to improve it.  It was fun, and before he knew it he was sending the toy car through the hallways and around corners, forgetting the original reason behind it.  It moved the controls and turned it through one of the living areas before he hear a small crunch.

 

“TONY!  Where the hell are you?”  Tony’s eyes widened.  Howard stormed into the hallway holding the toy car.  “What is this?  Is this what you’re wasting your time on?  Toys?  I don’t have the _time_ to deal with this!”

 

“I- I’m sorry, Dad, I--“ Tony was abruptly cut off by a blow to the face.  It took him a moment to realise what had happened before his eyes began to prickle and he fled from the room, running to his room and locking the door shut.  He didn’t want to be here.  He wanted to go back to school.  The place he’d been desperate not to be sent back to only a couple of years ago.  He was better there, though.  Here he was never good enough.

 

That night when they were eating dinner Tony tried to pretend that nothing had happened.  That he wasn’t even there.  His mother, unfortunately, didn’t realise that was his intention.

 

“And what did you get up to today, Anthony?” she asked. 

 

Tony shrunk into his seat.  “Nothing.”

 

Howard scoffed.  “Nothing _useful_ , that’s for damn sure.”

 

“Howard!” reprimanded Maria.

 

“It’s the truth, good for nothing kid managed to get in my way again.”

 

“I’m sure he was only—“

 

“Only what?  Look at him!  He’s about to cry again, pathetic.”

 

Tony wiped at his eyes.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—“

 

“And now you even apologise like some sort of puppy that only ever learned to cower!”  Howard slammed his glass down onto the polished table.  Tony flinched at the sharp noise it made, staring at the drops of amber liquid that had spilled onto the surface.

 

“Howard he’s just a child!”

 

“A child that you baby and spoil! I’ve had enough of this.  He’s got to _learn_ if he’s going to make anything of himself.”  Howard reached for his decanter and filled the glass he’d just slammed down.  “Here, Tony, this will teach you to be a _man_.”  He raised the glass to hand it to Tony.

 

Tony stared at the glass, then at his father, whose face was still red from anger. 

 

“I don’t think that’s appropriate, Howard,” Maria spoke up.  Tony could see his father begin to turn towards his mother and become even angrier at her words.  That wasn’t right, and hadn’t he promised himself he would protect her?   Tony grabbed the glass from his father’s hands and Howard turned back to him, a small smile on his face.

 

“There you go!  See, Maria, he just needs the right sort of encouragement.”  Maria’s lips were pursed, but she didn’t say anything.  Tony clutched the glass, hesitating.  It felt sticky in his hands.  Howard narrowed his eyes.  Tony looked at his mother, and tipped the whole thing down his throat.

 

He knew it wouldn’t taste good but he hadn’t been prepared for how it would feel in his throat.  He wanted to spit it out but he knew that would only anger Howard more, so with a hand to his mouth he forced the liquid down.  He wasn’t able to stop the coughing fit that came afterwards, though.  Howard laughed and patted him on the back. 

 

“Maybe that’ll help you grow some hair on your chest, son.” 

 

The continued with their dinner.  Tony excused himself from the table as soon as he could without upsetting anyone.  He went to the bathroom and rested his head against the mirror.  He didn’t feel good.  His mouth tasted like petrol and his thoughts were fuzzy.  Somebody knocked on the door and he looked up, catching sight of himself in the mirror.  Of his bare arms.  He paused for a moment, then opened the door. 

 

“Master Tony,” Jarvis greeted softly, “I brought you a glass of water.”  Tony didn’t feel like being handed another glass of anything tonight.  He waited for Jarvis to place it by the sink before picking it up himself.  He swished the first mouthful of water around his mouth before spitting it out and then drank the rest slowly, sitting down on the side of the bathtub.  Jarvis sat down beside him.

 

“How old were you when you got your words?” asked Tony.

 

“It has only been two years, Master Tony, you needn’t worry about that yet.”  Tony fiddled with his hands.

 

“But how old were _you_?”

 

Jarvis sighed.  “I was ten years old—“ 

 

“Of course you were.”  Tony shoved his head into his hands.

 

“Hey now,” Jarvis placed a hand on Tony’s back, “I wasn’t finished.  I got my _first_ words when I was ten years old, but I didn’t get the ones that really mattered until I was twenty three.”  Tony looked up at him in confusion.  People didn’t get more than one set of words; that wasn’t how it worked.  Jarvis chuckled.  “Have a look.”  He rolled up his sleeve and offered Tony his arm.  There were, indeed, two sets of words on Jarvis’ arm.  The first set was barely visible, even fainter than the words Tony had seen on his mother’s arm years before, but the second set was so clear, so vivid, that if they had been written on paper Tony would’ve expected the ink to still be wet.

 

“How is that possible?” he breathed. 

 

Jarvis smiled softly.  “This set,” he gestured towards the fainter writing, “were the first words spoken to me by a girl I met when I was just sixteen.  Her name was Isabelle, and I knew her a week before she died of a sudden illness.” 

 

Tony couldn’t control the horrified look on his face.  “She _died_?”

 

“It’s okay,” Jarvis reassured, “It wasn’t at the time, of course.  I spent the next few years thinking I could never be happy.  But then I met Ana, and I have never loved anyone as much as I do her.”

 

Tony frowned.  “But you got her words then, too?”

 

Jarvis shook his head.  “ _These_ words,” he tapped the second set, “are a tattoo.”  Tony’s eyes widened.

 

“So Ana isn’t actually your soulmate?”

 

“Not in the usual sense.  She never got any words, and I never got hers, but we _chose_ to be together.  We may not have been destined to be soulmates, but we fought for it and we decided to get tattoos so that everyone could see what we already knew to be true.”

 

Tony tried to imagine meeting his soulmate only to have them die a week later.  It seemed unthinkable to him.  The very idea was sickening.

 

“But… I don’t understand.  How could she be your soulmate if you already had one?”

 

Jarvis’s soft smile faded.  “Young Master Stark, you need to remember that you are not bound by any words that may appear on your wrist.  Your true soulmate will always be someone you choose, the words are just…” Jarvis paused, searching for the right word.  “A _potential_ choice.  The choice that the universe believes to be most likely.”  Jarvis seemed quite pleased with this explanation.  “And potential is the right word, because just like in life, in a relationship not everyone always meets their potential.  It is much better to be in a relationship that you choose, than to be in one where you are constantly waiting for somebody who is never going to reach whatever potential they may have.”

 

Tony thought of his parents, and how the only proof he has that they love each other are the dull words on their arms.  He remembered promising his mother that he would love and protect the person he hadn’t even met yet.  He wondered what would happen if he never got any words, and for the first time he questioned what would be better.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When he was fifteen Tony went to MIT with blank arms.  He hadn’t decided yet whether that was a good thing or not. 

 

He was younger than everyone else there but it was okay because he was also smarter.  He had a roommate called James Rhodes who was barely eighteen, and that was probably the closest Tony was going to get to someone his age.  Not that Tony really talked to him, but he was used to not talking to people except when he corrected them.  In their second week Tony helped him with an assignment for their shared engineering class, and James asked if he wanted to tag along to a party he was going to. 

 

“Woah, you sure you wanna drink that Stark Junior?” James asked with a raised brow as Tony immediately grabs a beer when they step into some student’s parents’ house near the campus.  The place is filled to the brim with people and all of them are talking.

 

Tony scoffed.  “This isn’t my first time drinking, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”  It wasn’t his second time either, he stopped counting a couple years ago.

 

James raised his eyebrows but opened his hands in a gesture Tony interpreted as ‘okay, whatever, I’m not gonna restrict you from drinking’.  Tony rolled his eyes.  It’s not like James was 21 either, even if he was closer.

 

The party was loud and the drinks went down easily.  Tony was used to drinking expensive spirits straight, and he hardly felt the beer at all so he kept drinking more.  It tasted like piss, but he had plenty of practice pretending to like the taste of drinks.  At some point he lost track of where James went and found himself in the middle of a crowd of strangers.  A girl was talking to him but he couldn’t hear what she was saying and he tried to tell her this but he wasn’t sure if she understood him.  She laughed, though, and suddenly her mouth was right next to his ear.

 

“How about we go somewhere a little more quiet then?” 

 

He nodded because really, quiet sounded pretty good right now and when she led him up some stairs by the hand he stumbled a few times.  He realised he couldn’t remember how many drinks he’d had.  They were alone in a room and she told him he should take his shirt off.  It was hot and he was feeling sweaty so he did.  But then she was touching his chest and for some reason she wasn’t wearing a shirt either and… Oh.  Okay.  It occurred to him that his father might be impressed by this.  Then the door banged open and hey, there was James, that’s where he went.  Tony let James pull him away from the girl and down the stairs.  When they stepped outside into the cool air Tony gasped and needed to pause for a minute.

 

“C’mon, Stark Junior, let’s get you back home, yeah?”  Tony flinched at the name but nodded.

 

“Yeah, yeah.”

 

The next morning when Tony was throwing up into a bucket James told him to call him Rhodey.  Tony smiled and told Rhodey that was fine as long as he promised to never call him Stark Junior again.  It occurred to Tony that your soulmate wasn’t the only person you could choose in your life.  And maybe Tony had already chosen a friend.

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for this chapter:
> 
> -forced underage drinking/child abuse  
> there is a scene where tony, as a child (12), is hit by howard, howard then goes on in a following scene to verbally insult tony and pressure him into drinking alcohol, it is later referenced that this (pressuring tony to drink) continues to occur throughout the rest of tony's childhood before leaving for MIT  
> -referenced domestic abuse  
> it is heavily referenced that howard is physically abusing maria  
> -more underage drinking  
> tony drinks at a party when he is underage (15) and has just started MIT  
> -attempted rape/non-con of a minor  
> at the party tony (who is drunk) is taken to a room by a stranger who attempts to have sex with him while he is heavily intoxicated, nothing actually occurs but tony and the woman both take their shirts off before it is stopped by rhodey
> 
> Please let me know if there is anything else you think I should add to these warnings!
> 
> I have a tumblr if that's your thing: http://hblankm.tumblr.com/
> 
> If you leave kudos/comment I will love you forever.


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